literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
