the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I checked into jail on foursquare
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
