did you get engaged???
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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