I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize