Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
