he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
