He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
