Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
