Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize