I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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