He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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