Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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