there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
