i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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