hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
