just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
