How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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