Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
