It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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