she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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