Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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