Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
