This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
