I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
