Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
