I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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