We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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