I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
