I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
