I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize