OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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