remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
