dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
