We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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