Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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