Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
