We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
