I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
