FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
