Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You smell like stripper and shame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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