Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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