Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
