we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
