So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
