Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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