You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
