apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
