Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
