I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
