Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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