apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
