Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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