i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
