omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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