Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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