I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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