I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
where are you?
Hypothermia
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
