My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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