I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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