So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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