There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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