Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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