I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
