If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i've created a new STD.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
