wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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