I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
