My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
