Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
