I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry about my life...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
