My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
