Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
