i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
