i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
