What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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