why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
