I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize