that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
