And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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