Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Text me some of your sweat
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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