Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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