hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
