my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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