he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
