my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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