So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
