Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
FUCK WHALES
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
