some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You smell like stripper and shame
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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