I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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