So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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