This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
